Tantra Performance continues Somraj's story for men.

Sure, I knew what a clitoris was. Hey, I'm intelligent. I had heard of the G-Spot. But I'm glad no one made me point exactly to each of them on my lover's body. You think I knew the best way to arouse these vital trigger points at each stage of lovemaking?

Well, sort of. But like the ad says, not exactly.

I thought I was sexually open and uninhibited. But I didn't talk about stuff like this. I didn't ask questions. I'd never gotten out a flashlight like in a Henry Miller novel and checked out the female body parts carefully.

Sex was a little foreplay (I knew about that and was willing to a limited extent), getting hard, getting in, and trying not to cum. When I did cum too quickly in too many cases, it was all over. Quick recovery was another thing I didn't major in.

Actually, even when I got laid frequently, I felt sexually frustrated. When I was a teenager I never got enough, and it seemed like the dammed-up flood of horniness, even after decades, was still hounding me. A little stimulation and it would engulf me. I'd try to resist cuming, and got better at it the more I practiced, but I was always under tension instead of relaxing and having fun.

You see, what was going on in my mind wasn't helping. Technically I guess we'd call it performance anxiety.

Could I please a woman? Is she enjoying it enough? Would I cum too quick? Is she comparing me to others? Did she cum yet? And as I got older, could I stay hard long enough? This kind of mental tension may work when you're motivating employees in business, but it sure was a major energy drain and distraction during sex.

Like a modern guy, in all the other parts of my life I set challenging goals and continuously stretched myself to do more and better. So my ex and I tried to take a similar approach.

We tried a little bit of everything to improve orgasms: toys, sex therapists, celibacy, relationship counseling, swinging, intimacy workshops, we even dabbled with Tantra. That's when I began to learn how to last forever without really understanding what was happening. Though things improved a little, the basic problem remained.

That's about the time I met Jeffre. (Yes, my beloved partner who has what sounds like a guy's name is a very sexy woman.) She invited me to a little impromptu Tantra session with a couple of old friends. She showed us how to breath, move our bodies, squeeze our sexual muscles, and visualize energy moving. It's an exercise our teacher calls "Riding the Tiger" even though there's no physical contact. I tried it in time with some sensuous background music and it felt good.

Then Jeffre did the exercise. She moved sensuously and breathed into her genitals for a couple minutes. Then she did the same in her belly. Then the same in her solar plexus.

And she came! I couldn't believe it. She wasn't touching herself anywhere. Neither was I. She just exploded with orgasmic energy.

Remember the great movie "When Harry Met Sally"? Yep, I said "I'll have what she's having" and my life has never been the same.

So that's my story of getting hooked on a totally different approach to sex, called Tantra. And maybe more dramatic has been the totally different approach to living.

Your guided tour continues with Tantra For Men.